Deliciously NO
Warm-Up
What is something in your life right now that feels like a gift whenever you get to do it?
step 1: YOUR YES
example: yellow sofa story
What opens up when you say no?
What space opens up?
What do I get to do?
What becomes possible?
What am I secretly excited about?
What’s my yellow sofa?
What’s the vivid little world I'm choosing instead?
What do I love about the things I do in that space? What else? What else?
If the request magically disappeared, what difference would that make for you? What kind of space would free up in your inside or in your life?
step 2: MY FEARED LOSS
example: summer with my baby niece
Which need screams out when I say no
Which need in me becomes sad at the idea of saying no?
What need in me still wants to say yes?
What would I miss if I said no?
Which need screams out when I say no?
What would saying yes allow me to experience emotionally?
What would hurt a little to let go of when I say no?
step 3: THEIR WORLD
example: What's alive in you when this blurry request comes up?
example: I'm thrilled you want to spend time with me
Which need might be behind their request?
Appreciating their need without being responsible for it
What hope might be behind this request?
What wish might be behind this question?
What need might be alive in them when they asked me?
What might they be longing for when they asked me?
What might feel important, exciting or relieving to them if I said yes?
What feelings might be alive in them when asking me this?
What hopes, needs, or values behind the request can I relate to?
What feelings or needs behind this request can I empathize with?
What part of their world can I acknowledge without having to fulfill it?
What part of their world do I connect or relate to?
What about their request can I honor?
Both as a NO giver and as a NO receiver we can read a NO as
NO = Trust
NO = Invitation
NO = Connection
After the 3 steps:
Which of the things that came up in the 3 steps would you like to share with the other person when you're saying to their request?
One NO sentence with clarity:
That doesn't work for me.
I'm sorry, that doesn't work for me.
Inspiration:
Look out for other people's ways of saying NO that land well with you. Save them as inspiration in your memory.