emotional first-aid kit for a crappy day
2024, may 3
self-coaching: my 3 go-to-questions for emotional first-aid
i'm very experienced with tough days. i'm an expert in having emotional rollercoasters, hardcore pms-ing, feeling like my heart was ripped on some barbed wire, thinking that i’m a monster and the world is ending — over the past years i’ve put together an emotional first-aid kit of self-coaching techniques that help me be kind to myself and feel okay-ish enough to get through the day.
question 1: what is the next thing i can do to make my situation even worse
this question prompts me to identify the usual actions that would make me feel even worse — and then not take them.
this is a counter-intuitive question and might sound surprising because i’m usually all for solution-focused questions. but somehow, this paradoxical intervention has been extremely helpful for me on tough days.
it often makes me laugh and reminds me of the choices i can control.
after identifying potential pitfalls, i choose to do something else instead.
question 2: what would my inner old lady do to comfort me now?
my inner old lady is a cool subversive korean woman with a rough voice and the looks of hannah arendt. she has a fireplace, a well-equipped house bar, and excels at distinguishing what‘s worth worrying about and what isn‘t.
i can’t remember deliberately creating my inner old lady; i guess she just emerged when i wondered what kind of comforting words i would need right now and how i imagine the wise person who would say those words to me.
last time i turned to my inner old lady on a shitty day, she sat me down by her fireplace, handed me a hot chocolate with rum, acknowledged the shittiness of my day and then said, ‘this crap of a day belongs in the flames, not in your album of life.’
do you have an inner carer? they don‘t necessarily have to be an old lady like mine. the inner carer is a wise and kind figure that validates and comforts you. they can be real-person inspired or completely fictional.
if you want to imagine one up, you might want to ask yourself:
what kind words do i need to hear right now?
how do i imagine the wise person who would say those words to me?
if you like my fireplace lady though, i‘m sure she will be warm and welcoming to you. she has an open house.
question 3: what are 1-3 things i can be pleased with that i managed to do despite the day‘s challenges?
this might be as simple as taking out the trash, making the bed, or eating a tangerine.
they feel like real accomplishments when everything else feels overwhelming.
acknowledging these little victories anchors me.