2025, december 11

for our annual x-mas party for solo-freelancers, i made a set of year-in-review questions. we spent the whole evening picking questions and asking them around the table.

it was a ton of fun. people who had never met started sharing meaningful or wonderfully odd moments from their year. it sparked this quick sense of connection that felt alive in the room.

i’m sharing the questions here with you. you can use them at your x-mas gatherings or new year’s eve parties, or simply as a reflection game — in a group, in pairs, or on your own.

here’s how: download the questions below, cut them into small slips (one question per slip), drop them into a bowl, and let someone draw a question and pass it on. have fun with it!

and i’d love to hear how it landed for you — feel free to reach out and share.

• which tiny moment this year was so subtle it almost slipped past you — and still somehow touched you?

• which absurd little thing ended up carrying surprising meaning this year? (like a spoon, a door sound, a sentence out of nowhere.)

• which curious, funny, or comforting habit quietly snuck into your life this year?

• which embarrassing-sweet moment turned out to be a plot twist in your favor?

• which sentence — spoken by you or to you — stuck in your mind this year like confetti in your hair?

• which day from this year smells like happiness in your memory?

• where in your daily life did something feel a little magical this year, even though nothing “special” was happening?

• which decision looked tiny from the outside but felt like a tectonic shift inside?

• which encounter this year felt like a brief cameo in the film of your life?

• which bit of mess this year was basically a quiet piece of art?

• which moment this year was so strange you’d love to frame it?

• which sound calmed your inner world the most this year?

• which spontaneous decision this year was a little cheekier than you usually are?

• when were you delightfully unapologetic this year — in a way that still makes you proud?

• which door did you open this year without even touching the handle?

• your life as a film — which scene from this year had wildly saturated colours?

• what did you learn this year that you genuinely couldn’t do before?

• one happy moment from your year.

• what did you declutter with pleasure this year?

• what did you do this year for the very first time?

• which plan did you joyfully abandon this year?

• what became easier for you this year?

• a moment from this year when you were pleasantly surprised.

• which body posture did you especially enjoy this year?

• which place did you discover or rediscover this year — even if it was just a corner?

• which movement did your body love making this year?

• which resistance did you overcome this year?

• when did you have a beautifully lazy day or moment this year?

• a small or big adventure you experienced this year?

• one insight from this year you want to carry into the next.

• one experience from this year you’d like to remember at the end of your life.

• something from this year you’d love to experience again and again.

• a moment when your energy level was high in the nicest way this year.

• a place where you could recharge this year.

• three things you did this year that you can feel truly good about.

• a task or responsibility you happily said goodbye to this year.

• a permission you gave yourself this year.

• a tool that made your creating/working/doing easier this year.

• an insight that made your life more vivid this year.

• looking back at this year — how many phases do you see, and what titles would you give them?

• a moment when your life turned upward this year.

• an object you brought into your life this year that now feels indispensable.

• what did you happily let become “less” this year?

• a ritual or routine you especially enjoyed this year.

• which film scene, lyric, or line from a book helped you this year?

• how did you amaze yourself this year?

• which small things made your life more beautiful this year?

• what was more fun this year than it used to be?

• a happy morning you had this year?

• a lovely evening mood you experienced this year?

• a moment of delicious, intense working energy this year?

• three highlights from this year?

• three small milestones from this year?

• one ridiculous thing from this year that you’re grateful for in hindsight.

• one development from this year you’re grateful for.

• what did this year pave the way for?

• a confrontation you’re proud of this year?

• a conversation that changed your opinion this year.

• an encounter that lifted your mood this year.

• the best insult you received this year.

• a thought that sweetened your days this year.

• a moment when your mood flipped from awful to fantastic this year.

• how did you manage to come out stronger from a difficult moment or theme this year?

• what skill did you pick up this year that you didn’t quite have before?

• looking back: what motto would you give your year?

• which chapter titles would you give the seasons of your life this year?

• a moment when you could truly relax this year?

• what did you let go of this year?

• what did you accept this year?

• where did you become braver this year?

• one small thing you did differently this year compared to the years before?

• one spectacular moment from your life this year?

• one moment of liberation from this year?

• a wish that came true this year?

• what’s a question you secretly hoped would be in this jar? answer that question.

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2025, december 4

inside my book the you collection

you were in london, jumping on the bed in a negligee. you danced in front of the mirror in london, wrapping a towel around yourself. the trip from the hotel to the airport took you longer than the flight from london to berlin. on the way from the hotel to the airport, you were in four or five different vehicles, sweating your soul out in your insanely hot green winter coat and your winter layers with rain pants. you felt like the sweat was some kind of detox cure.

you were wedged in between lots of people and thought this would be a perfect moment to have a panic attack, and at the same time, in some way, it felt like a kind of cure: three hours of travel time, squeezed in, unable to do anything, no headphones, no reading, because everything was too cramped and sweaty. in some way it was like a cure and like being only in the moment.

all around you there were just people and their body parts. you kept noticing all the hands holding on to poles and bars in the tube. you found it striking how polite everyone really is when they queue for the tube, how they enter the carriage in order, and if there is no space left, they simply stay on the platform and wait for the next one. and if someone does cut the line — like at the airport, where someone ducked under the security belts and skipped the queue — no one says anything. that is also a kind of politeness: when someone breaks a rule, people just stand there, calm and friendly, without getting upset. either they think the person must have a reason, that you only crawl under the belt for a good reason, or they immediately focus on the essentials of life. that’s how it seems to you.

at the check-in for the flight, they asked you if it was okay for you to sit at the emergency exit, and you were surprised they even placed you there, because you thought they only put men travelling alone there, since you’re supposed to have the strength to open the door in case of an accident. you simply said yes, you were okay with it. you found it remarkable that the staff checking you in also thought this was fine. in some way, after being completely sweaty and having survived london public traffic, you felt that they could now also trust a small person like you to lift the emergency door if needed.

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2025, december 4

sharing my favourite prompt from my last schreibsalon aka writing night:

tender rebellion | 12 min

set your timer for 12 minutes and start writing about your moment of tender rebellion. think of a moment when you quietly refused to follow an expectation – maybe you rested instead of working, answered differently than people expected, wore something “wrong”, or protected your own needs. describe this small act of tender rebellion. what exactly did you do (or not do)? how did the scene look, sound, feel? let the text show both: the tenderness and the rebellion.

(if you write fiction, let your character answer this prompt)

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2025, november 14

inside my book fragen statt sagen — ein manifest

kapitel 1: fragen statt sagen
fragen statt sagen bedeutet, in der antwort nicht das altbekannte zu suchen, sondern das unerwartete zu finden. es bedeutet, sich in eine unbekannte welt entführen zu lassen, das gegenüber den antwortraum bestimmen zu lassen statt ihn selbst vorzugeben. wirkliches fragen bedeutet, sich von der antwort überraschen, widerlegen, aufwecken zu lassen.

fragen statt sagen bedeutet zuhören, ohne sich beim zuhören schon die nächsten eigenen worte zurechtzulegen. es bedeutet, neugierig zu sein, wie das gegenüber die frage hört statt durchzusetzen, wie sie eigentlich gemeint war.

wirkliches fragen bedeutet, sich von dem lenken zu lassen, wofür sich das gegenüber gerade interessiert statt vom eigenen interesse.

fragen statt sagen ist spektakulär und abenteuerlich. und es darf ganz leicht sein. leicht, auch weil du dafür garnichts wissen musst. du gehst ja mit der haltung des nicht-wissens ins gespräch.

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writing prompt for visual storytelling
2025, November 12

lately i’ve been playing with this prompt that feels like going on a walk without leaving my chair. every time i use it, whole yummy worlds start popping up behind my eyes. it’s a relaxing way of daydreaming on paper — and seeing where the path leads.

writing prompt: walk in your mind

set your timer for 9 minutes. this is your writing time.

take a walk in your mind.

it can be a real route you love — along a river, through a park, across a city street — or a completely imagined one, like a path through a dream forest, a floating island, or your own private schlaraffenland.

let the walk unfold as you write.

notice what appears around you — what you see, hear, smell, touch, or taste in the air.

what kind of ground are you walking on?

who or what crosses your way?

what thoughts move through you as you keep walking?

don’t plan the route.

just let the path reveal itself line by line.

(if you’re writing fiction, let your character be the one responding — through their own senses and thoughts.)

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2025, october 12

inside my book tales of a loud humab

a humab is the sort of creature you’d only meet if you accidentally tripped into the gap between a yawn and a sneeze. it’s shaped vaguely like a beanbag that housed a ton of sugar, with stubby arms like folded origami and a mouth that seems to run all the way around its head, like an unzipped jacket.

a loud humab doesn’t just speak—it broadcasts. its voice comes in foghorn-waves, like a brass band warming up in a cave, shaking loose dust from rafters and making teacups quiver in their cupboards. strangely, the humab isn’t aware of how loud it is. to itself, its voice sounds like the faint buzzing of a friendly bumblebee. to everyone else, it’s more like a marching band of friendly bumblebees—through a megaphone.

the humab’s noise isn’t only sound. its words ripple the air into wobbly patterns, so wallpaper peels, puddles ripple, and nearby pigeons lose their train of thought mid-coo. yet people forgive the humab instantly, because its booming laugh feels like standing in front of a bakery oven: overwhelming, yes, but warm and promising some kind of mischief-flavored bread.

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writing prompt for loosening control and refinding flow
2025, october 14

when a project stops feeling fun, when i lose the spark or start overthinking every line, i like to work with permission prompts.

i give myself one specific permission for the day, or for the next two weeks, or whatever time frame feels like it might bring back a sense of creative freedom — the kind that makes me want to sit down and write again.

the permission’s job is to silence the annoying editor in my head — the one who keeps shouting out rules, categories, and expectations.

some permissions that have helped me lately:
• this month i give myself permission for my “novel” to simply be a kid’s diary.
• this week i give myself permission for the novel to consist only of short memory snippets from the protagonist — each chapter just one page, one memory.
• today i give myself permission for the novel to consist only of snapshots from the protagonist’s stream of consciousness — one as she’s waking up, one as she’s falling asleep.

once the permission is declared, i write on that spell and see what unfolds from there.

try it:

writing prompt
what permission would you like to give yourself — or to receive — for your project?
what kind of permission would grant you a freedom that also, somehow, sparks productivity?
once you know it, write entirely within the permission’s world and see what unfolds.

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2025, june 1
essay published

https://nichtnurmuetter.de

ten years ago, when i decided not to have children, i felt like the queen of self-liberation. not because i’d freed myself from the idea of children, but because i thought i’d escaped the collective deadline mindset imposed by what we call the biological clock. only recently did i realize that i had locked myself up in a new prison of time — one that felt just as suffocating as the old one. with the help of my friends, i’m now planning my next breakout.

—

the full essay Gespräche über Zeitlosigkeit, Sprachlosigkeit und vermeintliche Kinderlosigkeit was published (in german) on NICHT NUR MÜTTER WAREN SCHWANGER, a project exploring diverse and underrepresented perspectives on pregnancy, time, and parenthood.

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2024, july 8, berlin

when i was a kid i’d sometimes stub my toe on a threshold and some grown-up would say: ‘you’re tired. time for bed.’ that was the terror of adults—being told what i feel. and even if it was true, even if i really was tired, why did it have to mean bed?

sometimes staying awake, especially when you’re tired, is the most delicious thing.

the other day i asked mama when in her life she felt the greatest freedom. ‘right now,’ she said. i asked why. ‘because i can stay up as long as i want, i can go to bed when i want, and i can get up when i want.’

the freedom of becoming a grown-up is breaking loose from grown-up doctrines.

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2024, july 5, berlin

stepping out of the grindset means spending the whole day polishing something. it’s gently caressing a single monstera leaf with a damp cloth until it gleams. it’s going out to buff a few inches of canal railing, a stranger’s bicycle handle, a found coin, a beer coaster tucked between cobblestones. it’s polishing one’s own fingernail and pressing it against the philtrum to feel its smoothness. by polishing anything that comes your way, you can pause time and stretch out the summer.

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2024, july 2

inside my book mia

when mia feels sorrow, she’s constantly on the lookout for salvation in the most mundane things. she sees it in the dust particles floating around her apartment when the sunlight hits just right. she looks for it in an ikea ad, imagining solace in the sofa on the poster. she finds herself trying to draw comfort from a family of ducklings swimming in the canal, or from a passerby who smiles at them as if she lives a life of steady emotions, unlike mia’s weekly rollercoaster.

today, mia saw a young girl walking along the sidewalk. the girl wore a light pink dress with a leather jacket over it, looking like she had just turned six, having just outgrown her baby chubbiness into a more elongated, school-aged form. her black curls were tied back, and she had this incredibly determined gaze, almost as if she’d been cast for a film poster because of that intense determination in her eyes.

in the girl’s pink dress, mia found a kind of permission to stay soft. the leather jacket and the girl’s resolute expression reminded mia that she can face anything with a determined look. it hit her that she’s allowed to be radically inconsistent—that even if something causes her pain, she doesn’t have to let it go. mia can be inconsistent and still hold her ground with a firm gaze.

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2024, june 30, berlin

stepping out of the grindset means finding life in the unfinished. it’s settling into an armchair amidst unpacked boxes and overturned furniture. it’s soaking up a sunbeam like a cat sprawled on this island called an armchair. stepping out means declaring “time for ice cream!” with a sense of ending the workday before it even starts. it’s lying down with a capri-sun in the hammock, ringing in the after-work hours, tasks still half-done.

stepping out is trusting that your own drive will carve its path, and all you need to do is follow, like forrest gump. it’s letting your drive take over, allowing productivity to break through when it wants to.

stepping out feels like seizing a weekend in the middle of the week, sneaking into a dark cinema at ten on a sunny tuesday morning to munch on popcorn. it’s taking a vacation in the middle of work and progress. it’s interruptive pleasure instead of well-achieved leisure. it’s the liveliness of the incomplete.

stepping out means letting your shoulders drop, raising a toast to the present, humming pippi longstocking tunes as the unfinished is allowed to bubble within you.

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2024, june 25, kreuzberg

a snow-white slipper sits on the gravel path, with light and shadows from the summer trees playing on its soft white surface. a rubber dinghy floats in the middle of the canal, anchored to a buoy, with a couple of girls seated inside. they wear sun hats and their feet dangle lazily over the edge. one of them opens a pale red sunshade, its color so faded it seems bleached by many summers. on the kottbusser brücke, amidst a lot of trash, a white butterfly flits back and forth, treating the trash as a legitimate landscape. water reflections flicker on the dark green body of the van loon boat.

a few juvenile swans, not yet fully white, stand on the dry summer grass, grooming themselves, pecking at their feathers. a gray tracksuit hangs on the canal’s fence, fluttering slightly in the wind, looking as if it’s been laid out to dry.

two women in gray robes and black headscarves are hanging out on a picnic rug in the shade, with them a laptop, chocolate müllermilch, and strawberries. one of them holds a strawberry and gestures animatedly, as if discussing something emotionally charged like love or other disasters, occasionally taking a bite of the strawberry.

someone sits by the canal in a dazzlingly silver coat that glitters intensely under the sunlight. as i walk past, the blazing sunlight strikes different parts of the coat at each step, causing it to sparkle in varying directions.

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2024, June 5

hey chatgpt, on a scale from 0 to 10, where 0 is super complicated and clunky, and 10 is totally smooth, simple, and flowing, where would you rate your own phrasing right now?

when i turn to chatgpt for phrasing suggestions, its standard responses often feel boring and useless. so i’ve started challenging the ai to scale its own text suggestions. it’s interesting to see how engaging in this self-feedback mode shakes things up.

i love to play around with a wide range of different scales, testing various points to see what happens. sometimes, just to see what occurs, i ask for a response at scale point 0 and then contrast it with one at scale point 10. sometimes, i crank it up by requesting a response at scale point 15 on a 0-10 scale.

more examples of scales for experimenting with chatgpt:

• translation scale: from 0, a literal and direct translation, to 10, where it becomes much freer and echoes how a native speaker would naturally express it.

• boldness scale: from 0, very polite and cautious, to 10, rebellious, cheeky, and audacious.

• passivity to activity scale: from 0, completely passive and unengaged, to 10, highly active and proactive.

• calm to explosive scale: from 0, very calm and subdued, to 10, super explosive and on the verge of freaking out.

• conventionality scale: from 0, being highly predictable and conventional, likely to be accepted by a mainstream audience, to 10, being so unique and unconventional that it’s unlikely to be embraced by a mainstream audience. in applying this scale, i ask chatgpt to draw from all previous inputs i’ve given and select those ideas that would be least accepted by the mainstream, pushing the boundaries of conventionality even further.

give it a try and have fun experimenting!

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2024, june 5

i return to you what you’ve knowingly or unknowingly passed on to me and what is not mine to carry.

i learned this phrase during my coaching training, and it often works wonders for my friends, my coachees, and myself. you can think of it when you feel you’ve picked up something from someone else that doesn‘t belong to you — maybe it’s misplaced anger, an unfair judgment, or someone else’s projections. sometimes, these things might not even stem directly from another person, but from a societal system. i love this phrase because it’s non-blaming and liberating.

exercise: internal visualization

1. find a quiet space where you can sit comfortably without interruptions. close your eyes and take a few deep breaths to center yourself.

2. visualize the person or system to whom you want to return something.

3. imagine holding what has been passed onto you as a tangible object, like a ball or a bundle. see yourself holding it in your hands.

4. mentally return this ‘object’ to the person or system. as you do this, you can say:

   “i return to you what you’ve passed on to me — knowingly or unknowingly — and what is not mine to carry.“

5. optionally add a thank-you: if you feel a special connection or gratitude, you can add

   “thank you for all the good that has come from you to me.”

6. release the visualization and open your eyes when you feel ready.

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2024, june 5

in movies and tv shows, we often see this moment when a smart dream girl comes into a guy’s life, and he’s completely baffled by it. usually, he’ll say something like: “this is the first time i’m dating a smart girl, i’m not used to this!”

let me rant about three things here: first, i find the idea of guys having a preference for dumb girls to be ridiculous. second, it’s outrageous to assume you can find stupid girls everywhere, as if they’re readily available. third, it’s offensive to dismiss low intelligence, as if a kind-hearted person with less brains isn’t incredibly valuable. of course, in the movies, stupidity usually implies being mean, too. but it’s absurd to equate stupidity with being mean and, above all, with availability.

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2024, may 26

when i’m facing a busy work marathon, i start my day with an intention-setting walk. during this walk, i ask myself a series of questions to help ease the pressure and make my day lighter while still making progress on what’s important.

i usually do this intention-setting via voice messaging with my best friend. but of course, there are many ways to do it: by journaling, talking to a colleague, talking to chatgpt, or simply doing it in your head.

questions for intention-setting

• what motto or mantra can guide me today?

  this could be something like:

  — ‘i’m done when it’s good enough’ (not perfect)

  — ‘focus on one step at a time’ (rather than the whole mountain to climb)

  — ‘any doubts are staying outside today, and i can check in with them tomorrow morning’

• what’s one thing that will help me stay focused today?

  this could be something like:

  — check my phone only in the breaks

• what’s one thing that can make my work more enjoyable and effortless today?

  this could be something like:

  — work in bed, snuggled up in a blanket

  — for the mini-essay, write down just your main thought (rather than ten thoughts)

• what can i declutter from my day today?

  this could be something like:

  — no need to squeeze in the gym today. put the gym on my not-to-do list.

  — the dishes can wait today. put the dishes on my not-to-do list.

• what permission do i want to give myself today to make the day even easier?

  this could be something like:

  — order food instead of cooking

  — allow myself to be hurting and complaining (rather than trying to be delighted only because i chose this work and it’s my passion)

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2024, may 26

when brainstorming, writing, and editing texts with chatgpt, i often find its standard responses clichéd, generic, and annoying. so i switched to giving chatgpt personas, like a kafkaesque beetle, to get more refreshing responses. turns out, it works a million times better than yelling at chatgpt to stop being such a cliché machine. these persona switches have been a huge game changer in my creative work with chatgpt.

it does take some experimentation, though. not every persona will give satisfying responses right away. it’s worth playing around with different personas, intensifying their edginess or craziness, or tweaking them to suit your needs. the key is to keep experimenting and being playful to see what new insights emerge.

examples of persona prompts:

• pumuckl:

(for those not familiar, pumuckl is a mischievous, invisible goblin from a german children’s book, known for his playful and chaotic nature.)

hey, chatgpt, imagine you’re pumuckl. i’m sending you several pages from my morning diary, and i want you to use your pumuckl mind to extract the most intriguing and surprising details, descriptions, and unconventional images. focus on those elements that break expectations and would never appear in a mainstream magazine. list these out so we can shape them into a new text. remember, you are pumuckl.

• subversive feminist new york times editor from the future

hey, chatgpt, imagine you’re a radical, subversive, feminist new york times editor living in the 2070s, looking back at the 2020s. you are intrigued by the zeitgeist of the 2020s and the unique quirks of different people’s lives. i’ll share a period from my recent life that i’d like to turn into essayistic, autobiographical chapters. let’s brainstorm how we could structure these into chapters, and i’d love your ideas on chapter titles and key themes. also, let me know which aspects intrigue you the most.

• kafkaesque beetle

hey, chatgpt, imagine you’re a kafkaesque beetle. i’m going to share some events from the life of my main character in my novel. describe these events from your perspective as a kafkaesque beetle.

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2024, may 25

when my writing feels kind of lame, i like to turn to scaling prompts to crank it up. i‘d ask myself: what do i want my text to be instead of lame? sometimes i need it to be more cinematic, other times edgier, braver or even more vulnerable. somehow moving up the scale step by step sparks a lot more ideas than simply aiming to make my text more cinematic.

🍭 extra tip: ask chat gpt to make your text climb up the scale and see what happens ;)

cinematic boost

brainstorm | 7 min

• picture a scale from 0 to 10, where 10 is ultra-cinematic and 0 isn‘t at all. how would your text change if it moved up the scale? for example, if your text feels like it‘s at a 2, what elements do you see when you picture it moving to a 3? then a 4? jot down any ideas that come to mind. brainstorm on paper by writing in a stream of consciousness kind of way: „if i picture moving my text up to a 3 on the cinematic scale, the first thing that comes to mind is…“

re-write | 12 min

• now re-write your piece of writing, one paragraph, one chapter or one scene, implementing ideas from your brainstorming tapas just now.

edgy elevation

brainstorm | 7 min

• picture a scale from 0 to 10, where 10 is the peak of edginess. for example, if your text feels like it's at a 2, envision what elements appear as it moves to a 3, then a 4, and so on. jot down the ideas and elements that emerge at each step. brainstorm on paper by writing in a stream of consciousness kind of way: „if i picture moving my text up to a 3 on the edgy scale, the first thing that comes to mind is…“

re-write | 12 min

• re-write your text, integrating the edgy details you've brainstormed. allow your piece to gradually adopt these traits, enhancing its narrative bite by bite.

surreal shift

brainstorm | 7 min

• imagine a surrealism scale from 0 to 10, where 10 is super surreal. for example, if your text currently reads like a 3, what surreal aspects begin to surface as it moves to a 4? continue imagining up to a 10, noting any surreal transformations. brainstorm on paper by writing in a stream of consciousness kind of way: „if i picture moving my text up to a 4 on the surreal scale, the first thing that comes to mind is…“

re-write | 12 min

• apply the surreal elements you’ve brainstormed to enhance the dreamlike or bizarre atmosphere of your text. let each adjustment build the intensity of the surreal quality.

cliché breaker

brainstorm | 7 min

• consider a scale where 10 represents a text that masterfully breaks clichés. for example, starting at 5, what does breaking a cliché look like at 6, then 7? record the changes that help dismantle the clichés at each point. brainstorm on paper by writing in a stream of consciousness kind of way: „if i picture moving my text up to a 6 on the cliché-breaking scale, the first thing that comes to mind is…“

re-write | 12 min

• incorporate the cliché-breaking elements into your text, allowing each step to effectively shatter the expected norms.

delicious descriptors

brainstorm | 7 min

• set a scale from 0 to 10, where 10 is rich in delicious descriptors. for example, if your text tastes like a 3, what richer descriptions would add flavor to bring it to a 4? consider sensory details that intensify as you escalate. brainstorm on paper by writing in a stream of consciousness kind of way: „if i picture moving my text up to a 4 on the scale of deliciousness, the first thing that comes to mind is…“

re-write | 12 min

• sprinkle your text with the delicious descriptors you've gathered, seasoning it to taste more vivid and engaging.

define it yourself

define it yourself | 3 min

• what do you want your text to embody more? flowy, street credible, surprising, simple, or minimalistic? you define it.

brainstorm | 7 min

• now, envision your chosen attribute on a scale of 0 to 10. starting from where your text currently is, such as a 5, imagine moving it to a 6, then 7. what new characteristics emerge? keep imagining and jotting down transformations until you reach a 10. brainstorm on paper by writing in a stream of consciousness kind of way: „if i picture moving my text up to a 6 on the scale, the first thing that comes to mind is…“

re-write | 12 min

• revise your text, applying the dynamic qualities you've imagined, allowing it to fully embrace the attribute you've chosen.

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2024, may 18

i recently attended a global conference for solution-focused practitioners, and it was mind-blowing and spectacular. one of the many things i loved about the conference was how much people engaged in positive gossip about their colleagues, mentors, and others. i realized this had three effects on me: first, i got to learn fascinating things about others. second, it strengthened my trust in this community, knowing that people speak appreciatively behind each other's backs. and third, it inspired me to notice qualities in others that i might otherwise take for granted.

positive gossip can be a powerful tool to nurture a culture of kindness, appreciation, and curiosity. you can do it as a proper team exercise, but also just casually get in the habit of it in your daily work or personal life. by asking these questions to others or even just to yourself, you can shift your focus to the things you appreciate in others, enhancing relationships and community spirit.

questions to inspire positive gossip

1. what do you appreciate about \[person's name]?

2. what is something you admire about \[person's name] that they might not know?

3. share a moment when \[person's name] made a positive difference in your life or work.

4. what unique perspective, talent, or vibe does \[person's name] bring to the team or to your friendship?

5. what is one thing you appreciate about \[person's name]'s approach to challenges?

6. how does \[person's name] contribute to a pleasant atmosphere in the workplace or social gatherings?

7. what is a small act of kindness that \[person's name] has done for you or others?

8. in what ways does \[person's name] show dedication and commitment to their work or to your relationship?

9. what is something \[person's name] does that often goes unnoticed but would be sorely missed if it weren't done?

team exercise: positive gossip triads

1. divide the group into triads (groups of three).

2. two people talk pleasantly about the third person, sharing things they appreciate or find impressive.

3. they take turns speaking, responding with "yes, and…" to add more appreciative comments.

4. the person being discussed listens quietly.

5. rotate roles so each person gets a turn to be the focus of pleasant gossip.

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